


Dang, son

by Donya



Series: Frostiron parenting [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluffeh, FrostIron - Freeform, Humour, M/M, Not the best parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-10 22:35:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1165387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donya/pseuds/Donya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki and Tony take their baby's first words way too seriously. Especially when they have to compete with Thor and Natasha.</p><p>From the baby's point of view!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dang, son

**Author's Note:**

> Loki is called Mummy here.

The day started like any other. Bjorn opened his eyes and looked around. The room was empty, somehow he always expected Mummy to be there. He didn't understand why he couldn't sleep in Mummy and Daddy's bed anymore. He would wake up at night, lonely and scared of the dark, Mummy wouldn't come unless he cried. That's a valuable lesson, screaming and crying granted him the attention.

For a moment, Bjorn played with the soft teddy that was lying on his pillow, its fluffy ears always wet with drool. Chewing on them was entertaining but soon the baby got bored. Playing all alone is not pleasant. He missed Mummy. Knowing how to get what he wanted, Bjorn called Mummy the only way he could.

It worked, he heard footsteps and the familiar voice shushing him, the door opened and Mummy came in. Bjorn gripped the edge of the crib for support and pulled himself up, smiling broadly, Mummy came to him. He knew that Mummy was the most important person, always there for him. Mummy's voice, the smell, the touch, it was enough to comfort him. 

'There you are!' Mummy picked him up and carried him on his hip to the bathroom. Bjorn stopped crying, now smacking Mummy's chest and back in excitement, before he remembered what happens in the bathroom. The horror of having his diaper changed filled his eyes with tears again, he kicked his legs, expressing his displeasure but Mummy was used to that and seemed completely unfazed by his protest.

'Yes, I know it's not nice, trust me, I'm not having fun either,' Mummy sighed. 'At least your night was better than mine. Your damned father doesn't let me sleep, then pretends he doesn't hear you crying in the morning. Ugh. Your father. Fathers in general. Bleh.'

Sitting on his special high chair, the baby trap, Bjorn kept glancing at Mummy over his shoulder, just to remind himself that he was not alone. Daddy once left him in that chair, Bjorn tried to remain calm but he imagined being abandoned for good and cried. Mummy stormed into the kitchen in a bathing robe, cursing Daddy loudly and complaining about not having a moment for himself.

A bowl of steaming porridge appeared in front of him. Bjorn frowned, it was too hot, he knew that, it took some time to learn that steaming food can burn his mouth. Mummy sat next to him and blew on the porridge ceremoniously, for once without almost aggressively encouraging Bjorn to do the same. Blowing is not that simple, he was not entirely sure he could do it like Mummy.

'Now, let's talk,' Mummy said and showed him a bag of brown sugar. Sweet. Sweet sugar, Bjorn wanted the sugar on his porridge. 'You know what it is, right? I can sprinkle this Midgardian crap with sugar, if you say Loki. Say Loki, it's a very simple word, just two short syllables, Lo-ki. Just say it and you'll get the sugar.'

Bjorn tried to grab the sugar but his arms were too short and Mummy was not joking. Fine. Two can play that game. Bjorn would not eat the porridge, who would be angry then? 

'Come on, you lazy creature. Lo-ki, say Lo-ki. Say it.'

Bjorn turned away, hoping to see Daddy, Daddy was less strict when it came to food. Mummy got mad when Bjorn got his first cheeseburger, took away the remaining half of it and threw it away, Bjorn mourned that loss for an eternity, the whole hour.  

'Fine. Fiiine. Say Mummy. Mama. Say Ma-Ma,' Mummy didn't give up easily. Bjorn liked the sound of Mummy's name, soft sounding, _Mummy_. What was the point of saying it when Mummy was already with him? 'Mama, say it, you little shit. Dammit, you're so ungrateful, just like your father. Pff. Fathers.'

'You're still at it?' That was Daddy's voice. Bjorn gave him a wide smile and raised his hands, asking to be held but Daddy only kissed his forehead. 'Stop messing with his head.'

'Oh, shut up,' Mummy got up and kissed Daddy briefly. The sugar disappeared, Bjorn sulked, he craved that sweet taste, yet Mummy was tough. 'Do not give him anything sweet. Sooner or later, he will stop ignoring my name, I'm so going to break him.'

'This is crazy, even for you,' Daddy replied, gazing at Mummy lovingly. 

'I'm taking a shower now. Try not to pour coffee down your son's throat. Especially, not _your_ coffee.'

'Hey, that was like one time only and he was super calm after tha- ouch!'

As soon as Mummy left, Daddy seated himself on Mummy's chair.

'Son, we need to talk. I really do not want to say I'm disappointed but neither of your first two words was Daddy. You know where I'm going? Say Daddy. Da-ddy. Say it. Daddy. Or Pappa. Pa-ppa. Say it. Or Tony. Tony. Tony or Daddy. Dad. Pappa. Say it now.'

Bjorn shook his head, confused that his parents didn't understand his logic. Daddy narrowed his eyes. 

'Listen to me now. If your next word is Mummy or Loki, you will drink your first beer in your fifties, you hear me? You get how it works? Say Daddy and I'll give you whatever you want, Loki doesn't need to know. Get it? Say Daddy.'

Bjorn laughed, although a bit nervously. Where was Mummy? Daddy was usually funny, he sang silly songs and told stories about reindeers and glowing sticks, but nonetheless, Daddy was not Mummy.

'Dammit. Baby, just say Daddy, that's all Daddy asks for all those sleepless nights and stinky diapers and dealing with Loki's moods. Say my name first and you won't regret it.'

 

Bjorn's first word, a proud 'Da!' bewildered his parents. They stared at him in shock, so Bjorn repeated the syllable, pleased with himself.

'Oh fucking fuck. Is that-'

'His first word? Do we consider this a first word? It doesn't mean anything.'

'Idiot! It means "yes" in several languages!'

'Still, it's not his first _real_ word.'

'Ok, fine. Son, say Daddy.'

Bjorn continued using his first syllable, somewhat baffled by the lack of any reaction from Mummy or Daddy. Only one person appreciated his effort, the one with red hair. She laughed and encouraged Bjorn to repeat 'da' over and over again, much to Mummy's dismay. 

'Oh, lighten up, Loki, your son is bilingual!'

'Stark, why do we even let her be near Bjorn?'

'Damn, you're right! It's all your fault, Natasha!'

'Da.'

The second word was inspired by that huge man that seemed to like Mummy a lot. He carried a large toy, cold and heavy, and always let Bjorn play with it. He also liked hugs and never tortured Bjorn with changing his diaper. Just to express his affection to him, Bjorn repeated the word he heard a lot when that man was around, 'Tho'. Mummy dropped the glass he was holding and roared, 'WHAT?!' Daddy half laughed, half cried.

'Traitor!'

'Oh, Loki, my dear nephew merely-'

'Shut up! One more word and you're dead, Thor.'

'Tho!'

'Fuuuck! Everyone shut the hell up!'

'This is not happening. He saw you like ten times and he says your name? Before ours?'

'Should you not celebrate the fact that he talks, regardless of his choice of words?'

'No! Dammit, fuck, shit. You will not see Bjorn until I hear him saying Loki.'

'Or Tony.'

'Hahah, no, my name will be first. I'm the mother. You hear me, Bjorn? Do not let me down.'

'You are more infantile than your baby.'

'Na-ah!'

 

So Bjorn had two words that had dozens of meanings, both ignored by his parents. He used both to tell Daddy that the porridge was tasteless without sugar. Daddy didn't listen, Bjorn refused to open his mouth. He was hungry but also stubborn.

'SAY DADDY.'

Mummy returned, Bjorn greeted him by slapping the table with his tiny palms.

'Stark, you're being ridiculous.'

'You're even worse.'

'I will never forgive him saying Thor's name.'

'Maybe it's because we're not calling each other Mummy and Daddy? Lokes, call me Daddy.'

'You slutty fuck. I will not call you Daddy. By the way, should we stop swearing in front of him?'

'Nah, he's too little to understa-'

'Dam!' Bjorn announced his third word. Mummy and Daddy groaned.

'Is he saying "damn"?'

'Dam!'

'I give up. I fucking give up. This child is broken, Stark. We need a new one.'

'Fuck, I got used to this one.'

'Dam!'

'Stop it. Your grandmother already thinks we're terrible parents.'

'Are you serious?'

'You dropped the baby because you were pouring yourself a drink!'

'You let him play with your dagger! No, I meant having another child.'

'What? Would you like that? I thought you regretted-'

'Don't say that. Yeah, I want another little Loki.'

'You do? Oh! Bjorn, do you want a brother? Wait, brothers are awful, we'll get you a sister.'

Bjorn had no idea what Mummy asked about but kept smiling, just to convey how much he liked being with Mummy.

'Let's spoil another baby!'

 

**Author's Note:**

> My first word was 'lala', haha, my poor parents waiting for 'mama' or 'tata' and all they got was 'lala', it means ' a doll' in Polish. Trololol.


End file.
